Peace

Last weekend I found peace. Not in my garden, or on a beach or even in my bed. No, I found it in the noise, sweat and pain of the Gym.

I spent quite a bit of time at the gym weekend just gone. Friday evening I was there for an hour and half until 9pm. Saturday morning I headed to Portsmouth, arriving at 9 with one sole intention. To buy a swimming costume! I haven’t owned a swimming costume for about 8 years and I haven’t used one for about 10. The reason being I used to go a lot but then the boy started expensive hobbies and mine (including the gym and swimming) were unaffordable. As the years have passed I have put off buying one as I haven’t had the confidence to wear one in public. And as I have yet to earn enough or win the lottery, I have not been able to have my own swimming pool in my back garden, there didn’t seem much point in owning one.

So anyway by 9.30 I was done and heading back to Littlehampton. After a small parade around my living room in the new reduced size addition to my wardrobe. I decided I would go to the gym and then possibly have a swim. The gym session was fab. An hour of sweat and pushing my muscles to the point of them imploding, after which I went for a swim. It was lovely. I also hit the Hydro Pool, Sauna and Steam room, just for the hell of it. 3 hours after going in I finally came out, relaxed and feeling rather happy. I left there and had tea and spent a lovely evening with 2 good friends chatting and just generally relaxing.

On Sunday I again went in, an hour and half in the gym, followed by a lovely long swim, a dip in the hydro pool and a sauna. It was while my shoulder muscles are screaming at me in pain while I was trying to finish my 3rd set of shoulder presses that I realise I was quite at peace with the world. I felt happy. Happier than I have been for a very long time. I realised I am actually in quite a good place (at the moment).

My son is 18 and responsible for himself. I am free to do what I want when I want. I have no young children I have to be back for or worry about (obviously I still worry about The Boy but there is not much left I can do about him unless he asks me for help). Even though I work long and hard hours, I can set my own hours. I can afford to take time off if I want. I can pay my bills and not stress as much about whether I have to not pay one to pay the other (1st time ever). If I want to spend all day at the gym I can. If I want to just swim up and down I can. Despite the fact I am no way a slim person, and I am in no way happy with my body, I felt comfortable in my swimming costume and wasn’t doing the towel shuffle to get into the pool. I just generally felt happy. I felt calm. I felt relaxed, yes at the gym even though I was working out I felt relaxed.

Not sure how long this will last, but I rather liked the feeling.

Yes I feel I have found peace at the gym. It’s like I walk through those doors and the world slips away.

Now, I guess on to the weigh in. I was not looking forward to it today. In fact the cat was more keen than me.

I have gone down with a filthy cold so I feel like crap and my energy levels are very low, I keep going hot and cold and I am sure I retain water when I’m ill. So what has happened this week? Well I have put on 2 lbs.. Bollocks. Why?!? That’s just so not fair. I’ve been to the gym on Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday and Tuesday. Swam on Saturday and Sunday. I did zumba on Wednesday and Monday. I have stuck to my calories. Surely I should have lost something! Why???!!

Humph!!!! Not feeling so calm or peaceful right now.