Let the Damsel See the Knight!

So I took my son to the pub on Saturday. I thought if we sat and chatted and spent time in the natural surroundings of an 18 year old boy he might relax and talk to me.

I was also in need of a drink or two after the last few weeks, and this was the first night out since his 18th in February. After I was having to wait for him to get ready, we set off. I drove down and parked the car in the town carpark and we headed to the pub. 1 drink was all I was buying him. 1 drink however turned into 5. 5 large glasses of Rose for me and 5 pints for him.

Within 2 minutes of us being in the pub the lovely lady behind the bar gave the boy a telling off and told him to repsect and appreciate me more as I was his mum, and she had lost hers when she was only 22 and missed her very much. I think she must have seen his facebook status stating that he hated me last weekend, (I was told about it by a friend). I just stood and smiled. Then when we had our 1st drinks we saw a couple of his friends (who I do know to say hi to but nothing else) and sat with them. Within 10 minutes or so they were both telling him to get a job. Why didn’t he have a job? Did he know there are 1400 jobs within the Littlehampton area?! So why didn’t he have a job?!?! I just sat and smiled.

After trying to find out if you put the liquid from those glow sticks into a bottle of bubbles would it make the bubbles glow (it doesn’t), and 5 glasses of wine I headed home. And yes I walked it. The whole mile and half in the dark, by myself!!

The following morning I woke with no hangover or ill affect, had my poached eggs on toast and headed into town to collect my car. When I got there I discovered that some bastard had smashed my wing mirror of and taken it with them. So now to add to my soon to be unemployment, lack of phone (nope still don’t have it) and the boy, I am now driving around with the wires hanging where my mirror should be and the threat of another large bill.

Now would be a really really good time for that Knight in shining armour to turn up! Come on, I’m waiting for you, let the Damsel see the Knight!

1 2 3 aaaggggghhhhh!!!!

Ok so I know there are wars, starving people, abuse and hatred going on in this world, but this week has been a shit week, and I am feeling very sorry for myself. AGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

After a long and tiring couple of weeks I ended up locking The Boy out last Friday after an incident on Thursday evening. Not going to go into details, but lets just say I couldn’t be doing with the agro and stress he was causing me. He has turned into a selfish and self-centred young man and I am really fed up with it. Something he has done has put me under huge stress and in a situation that I am going to find very difficult to get out of. Don’t ask me what it is because I won’t tell, but contributory factors include the fact he has been claiming job seekers for the last 6 weeks and I have not seen a penny towards, the food, bills, rent, council tax etc. I told him I would like half of what he gets. Something I do not think is unreasonable. As I pointed out to him that £60 every 2 weeks is a tiny amount to get what he does at home and then he still has just under £60 to spend on what he likes. I wish I had a spare £60 a fortnight, or even a spare £6 would be nice.

So Friday night after about an hour of him knocking on the door and throwing stones up at my window at 3am he realised I was not for stirring and he spent the night in the garage. I was up and left the house on the Saturday morning and as I drove away in my rear view mirror I saw the garage door open and him standing watching me with his arms raised in the air. Later that afternoon when I went back he turned up wanting a change of clothes and his charger. I handed them over and he threw something that belonged to me back. He informed me, (not for the first time), that he didn’t love me and he was sorry he wasn’t the perfect son I wanted. I pointed out I didn’t want a perfect son, just one that respects me, my house, everything I have done and still do for him. One that contributes towards the mountain of food he consumes and the water, gas and electricity he uses. I wish I was in a situation where I could provide for him and support him financially for as long as it takes for him to sort himself out. But I’m not, I struggle juggling what money I do have every month, actually every week. As for the not loving me part, it hurts just that little bit more when they are 18 and know what they are saying compared to a 5 year old throwing a tantrum. The teenager knows it’s going to hurt and they know it’s a killer thing to say.

He also informed me that I had pushed him away too many times and that was it. No more. He told me that he wasn’t coming back and that I would be “sad and alone” living by myself. Ummmmmm let me think about that one.

So Saturday night he spent at a friend’s. On Sunday I was doing the washing and cleaning the house when he returned home again. He wanted to come in and charge his phone and sleep in his bed. I informed him unless we talked and sorted it out it wasn’t going to happen. So after about an hour of us talking, him cycling away and coming back for round 2, 3, 4, 5 and 6. I finally agreed he could come back, as long as he started to respect the house, respect me, contributed to the house financially( half his money), and practically (keeping his room tidy, cleaning up any mess he makes). For the second time that week I did tell him that if on Wednesday I did not get any money from him that he would have to buy his own food for the 2 weeks after.

He came in went up to his room and promptly feel asleep. As I stood and watched him sleeping from the doorway I wondered what life would hold for him. I had always seen a bright future for him growing up. He had been a bright, happy boy with a love for life and a love of a good laugh. We have laughed together so much over the years that it seems strange now I don’t see him laugh, or even smile when he is around me. I try and work out what it is that changed, why it changed, but I can think of nothing. There has been no big events in the last 3 years, nothing traumatic or unusual. I’m just so confused.

Now it’s Friday and nothing much has changed. I never see him, he leaves the house before I get home in the evening, and returns after I have gone to bed. I come home and the first thing I do is clean up his mess, mainly from him cooking during the day. He did tidy his room on Tuesday, because we had an inspection by the letting agent, but has done nothing since then. He doesn’t answer any of my phone calls or text messages. He did not give me any money on Wednesday so since Thursday morning I have not cooked for him and removed the remains of the cottage pie I cooked for him from the fridge. Its harsh and I don’t like to do it, but he has to learn.

The second thing that happened was on Sunday I managed to drop my phone. As I heard the unmistakable sound of the screen cracking on my kitchen floor I sighed and wondered what else the universe would like to throw at me. Thankfully my phone is insured through my bank account, so I called them up and they told me that they did not have any of mine in stock but as soon as they did they would send it out to me. Monday morning I got the call to say some were in stock and that I would get it on Tuesday. Tuesday came, no phone turned up. I called the insurers and asked what happened, it turns out the courier tried to deliver to the wrong address, even though they had the correct one. Reorganised delivery for Wednesday, phone turned up. Unwrapped it, it was the wrong phone. I called them up, and pointed out that not only was it the wrong phone but I couldn’t use it until I got the correct one as it wouldn’t take my micro sim card. I was informed my phone would be in stock on Thursday and I would get it on Friday. I told the lady that I had to have it Friday at the latest as I am about to finish my job and I need future employers to contact me so I could work. She promised it would arrive Friday. It is Friday. I won’t be getting my phone until Monday at the earliest now. I have no phone, which means no email, no texts, no numbers, no phone calls and possibly no job come Wednesday. Thanks, Natwest, Aviva and Carphone Warehouse. Between the three of you you might have just screwed things up right royally for me!

And thirdly last night was weigh in. What a disaster that was. 1lb, one measly pound. What’s the point in that?!?!?!? That’s crap, I’ve upped my Zumba classes again and I lose less! Total rethink now going on re what I am eating and what I am doing. Something has gone wrong.

After the last week, I have had enough. The world and its minions seems to be continually working against me. All I want is a quiet life, a simple life, a life that just plods along. I want a son who is respectful, and who tows the line, I want a phone that bloody works, I want a job come Wednesday, a better weight loss and damn great big packet of cheese and onion kettle crisps!