So weigh in.
This week I have lost 4lbs.
Thats a total of 17 lbs in 3 weeks.
Thats a total of 7700 grams of fat. There are 59500 calories in 17lbs of fat.
Thats a lot of calories.
Came home from class with the thought we might go to Harvester for dinner.. (thought salad bar).. but The Boy had made me a curry. So money and possibly a few calories saved.
He also made me a birthday cake which I ate all off it by myself.
Birthday complete, so heading to bed.Night x
Tonights dinner.
The Boys: Pie and Mash
Plate: 1 Steak pie, mash potato, peas and sweetcorn, gravy.
Total calories: 1250
Yum Factor: he loved it
Mine: Large Salad with Baked Salmon
Plate: lettuce, watercress, rocket, baby spinach, celery, spring onion, cheey tomatoes, sweetcorn, salmon, chilli, lime
Calories: 365
Yum factor: blooming lush.
Which looks looks yummiest?
Which would you rather eat?
You know those medical educational pictures you see detailing all the muscles in various parts of the body. Well we don’t normally think 1/2 of them because they are internal and not ones you see defined under our skin. Well tonight I discovered all of those hidden muscles.
After a bit of umming and erring and trying to get someone to come with me, I braved it by myself and went to my first Rosemary Conley Zumba class.
Well what can I say? I stood at the back of the class, next to a lovely slim lady who was very nice and said to just do my own thing and don’t worry about looking stupid. The music went up and we started. Well I have moved parts of my body in ways that I haven’t moved them for 19 years. Oh my god, I felt muscles I didn’t know existed. My rhythm might have been different to everyone elses, but no one cared. With arms waving about all over and legs doing who knows what, and then the hips, oh don’t talk to me about the hips! I had my own groove going on that loosley resembled what the girl taking the class was doing, and when I say loosley I mean loooosley.
But I survived! I made it through to the end.
My mind was saying “never again? I wonder if I could manage to go tomorrow night as well”.
My body was quietly sobbing and yelling “WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO THAT FOR!?!?!?!?”
My heart was saying “can I slow down yet??!!”
So my first ever Zumba lesson, what can I say apart from…
“That was bloody good fun and lets do it again!”
So I have a confession or 2 to make.
Firstly, I’m not doing this all by myself. I am going to Rosemary Conley Classes on a Thursday night. They are really good because not only you get to weigh in (like Slimming World and Weightwatchers) but on top of that you get to do the exercise class instead of just sitting around talking and then going home. Even I survive (to date by varying degrees) the exercise classes. It’s a ½ hr cardio work out and then ¼ hr toning. Then if you are still standing or even alive, there is a Zumba class after. I am normally just hanging in there till the end of the toning. At the moment if I stayed for Zumba it probably would kill me off.
The one I go to is great, and its turned Thursday nights into my night. The group has lots of lovely ladies in it of all ages and sizes. I was welcomed into the group from my first night, and really enjoy going. I will even be going next Thursday which happens to be my birthday! The concept is quite simple, there is a calorie limit you have a day, starting low for first two weeks and then it goes up a little for another 2, and then you have a limit set for your size, age, weight etc.
Golden rule is everything you eat has to be 5% fat or less. So as long as for the 100g, 100ml the fat is 5 or lower you can have it, obviously keeping in check the calories side for the portion you are having. I have become obsessed by how much fat is in stuff. I was offered a glass of Baileys last weekend at my friends, the first thing that went through my head was “how much fat is in that?” 13% to be exact. I did turn the glass down.
I have been slimmer of the week the last two weeks, both certificates are up on the fridge door to remind me to keep going.
And I guess this brings me on to how much I lost this week. Well I did OK. 5lbs this week, and this is where confession number 2 comes in. I was a little bit gutted. Even though this means I have lost 1lb short of a stone in 2 weeks I was rather disappointed. I was really hoping for the whole stone loss at least, especially as I had done so much walking last weekend, and again have been so strict with myself over what I am eating with no cheating at all, (apart from a small tsp of low fat soft cheese and a bit of salmon when I was preparing my lunch for the following day one day (confession #3?)). I know is stupid that I was disappointed, because 5lbs is still a fab amount to lose. The first thing I thought was what can I change this week? I am also nervous because my daily allowance has gone up this week, so surely I will lose even less if I am eating more calories? I know its unhealthy to lose a lot of weight quickly, but it’s not as though I can’t afford to lose it at perhaps a quicker rate than a slimmer person at the moment.
Anyway I am happy that I lost 5lbs, I am proud that I have done that much already. So as long as I focus on that part then I should get my shrinking arse through the next week until I stand on those scales again on my birthday.
I am craving chips. Not just any old chips, the chips you get from the chip shop. A little bit greasy, with lots of vinegar and a bit of salt. Perhaps with some curry sauce. Ummmmmm soooo tasty.
It’s not something we have ever had a lot off. At home on the rare occasion I made them they were oven ones. But chip shop chips were my once a month treat that I would pick up on my way home from work. More often than not with a nice piece of battered cod. I would get indoors and unwrap the yummy goodness and the cats would appear as soon as the smell wafted to wherever they were. They would sit patiently for their fish, normally getting about half of it, so I would have to buy a large fish.
Its been over a month since my last chippy night, so perhaps that is why I’m craving them. The craving is just for the chips. I had it last night, and it took all my will power not to pop into the chip shop at Ferring to get just a small childs portion on my way home. The craving has come back, started earlier today. I think I want to cry.
Chips out of the paper, chips warm on my lap, chips hot and tasty, vinegar splashed chips.. ohhh chips… sigh… 😦
Second weigh in is looming, two days to go. When I set out at the beginning of the year I was expecting or rather hoping to lose around the 4lb mark each week to start, so the 8lbs last week was amazing. The last time I lost that amount of weight in one go was when I gave birth to my son! The downside to this amount of weight loss is defiantly not physical, but mental. It has made me feel even more under pressure this week. How will I feel if I haven’t lost as much? Or even half as much? The thing is I know I can’t/won’t keep losing weight at that rate, also bigger people, I think; lose more weight quicker at the start than their slimmer counterparts. I also know it would be very unhealthy to keep losing it at that rate. So it is silly that I am getting worried about stepping on those scales, but it is still there niggling in the back of my head.
So I am trying to concentrate on being proud of what I have achieved so far and in such a short amount of time, not just the weight loss but the start of change in my head. Where in the past I would have said it’s too cold, too wet, too windy to go out for a walk, I just wrap up more and brace myself for the onslaught. Weekend just gone, instead of driving into town (about 1.6 miles away) I walked (I can’t say I will do that if its chucking it down). Little things like that do make the difference. I look forward to my lunch time walks during the week. I start getting twitchy around 12.30 and count down the last 30 minutes before I head out. Then it’s on with the coat, scarf and gloves and down Worthing seafront for ¼ hour and then back. Last night I even considered going for a ½ hour walk before I went to bed. Not sure that would have been a good idea. Is it good to exercise that close to sleeping? Will it help me sleep better/lose weight better or will it keep me awake longer? Answers on a postcard please. So in my head I am feeling more ‘active’ and the body so far is keeping up.
Anyway, I am about to head off for my lunch time walk, an hour late but I had been hoping the lashing rain and gale force winds (<<< only a small exaggeration) might have let up to a more gentle pace. Never mind it will be worth it, after all, I have lost 8lbs already and that’s 14½ packs of butter!!!
Been out for a lovely 45 min walk today with The Boy (after he sat beside me on the sofa eating a bacon sarnie, git!!). It consisted of me walking and him following throwing snowballs at my back. It was quite nice actually as he throws quite hard and it was a bit like a hard massage, it deffo sorted out a sore muscle or two.
He seems to be so much nicer these days. He actually willingly came for the walk with me. I didn’t have to beg or cajole him or even bribe him. Oh and I did get my own back when we got nearer the house with a few well aimed snowballs, which in turn gave him an excuse (so he thought) to put snow down my back, in my ear, in my face and down my front.
I really enjoyed spending the time with him, and hopefully he did with me and hopefully we will have many more walks together.
What other news? Well I have informed my family what I am doing. My Mums reaction was “well done” and my sister said she was proud. (Not heard from brother and older sister yet). Not sure what I was worried about. Well I do actually. I think them now knowing is going to put me under more pressure to do this as I don’t want them to be disapointed. When it comes to things like this and pressure from family (I feel rightly or wrongly) there is a history of constant failure by me. I am crap to be honest. Giving up at soonest possible moment. I slip normally within a few days and then I just give up.
So what is different this time? I don’t know to be honest. I do feel the pressure creeping back, but as I am feeling good about myself and what I am doing and I feel in control, I don’t seem to be so bothered. So perhaps this is my year, perhaps my goals will be achieved. Perhaps my life will begin at 40.
Next step I guess will be publicising this on Facebook. I have been toying with the idea of doing that today. So who knows perhaps I will.
Right I’m off to go and hoover with gusto my stairs and bedrooms, then a hot shower, dressing gown feet up on the sofa and decide what to have for tea.
So this is it. How much have I lost? ummmm well first, this is what I have eaten. I have endured The Boy eating big plates of yummy food, his steak was twice the size of mine, pizza and sweets. I have stuck to what is below and I promise hand on heart I haven’t had anything else apart from what is written here. Every day I have had 2 cups of tea with milk, the rest of the time I have water or herbal tea.
Friday
Breakfast – Bran flakes & milk
Snack – blueberries
Lunch – homemade butternut squash soup
Snack – melon
Tea – chicken breast with large salad containing Chinese leaf, rocket, watercress, tomato, celery, spring onions, cucumber
Exercise – ½ hour lunch time walk.
Saturday
Breakfast – 1 poached egg on 1 slice toast spread with marmite
Snack – Blueberries
Lunch- Yoghurt with granola
Snack – None
Tea – Baked mackerel with large salad containing Chinese leaf, rocket, watercress, tomato, celery, spring onions, cucumber
Exercise – ½ hour walk, walked up and down stairs 3 time consecutively
Sunday
Breakfast – 1 poached egg on 1 slice toast spread with marmite
Snack – yoghurt
Lunch – Small Jacket tattie and baked beans (no butter or cheese)
Snack – apple
Tea – Shepherds pie and loads of broccoli (sweet potato – delicious!)
Exercise – none apart from housework
Monday
Breakfast – weird recipe of All Bran in yoghurt over night with a few chopped almonds, sultanas grated apple and carrot… VILE!!!!
Snack – melon
Lunch – Chicken breast dry stir-fried with veggies and small rice
Snack – banana
Tea – left over shepherds pie and loads of broccoli
Exercise – ½ Hour lunch time walk,
Tuesday
Breakfast – All bran with yoghurt, almonds, sultanas and honey made night before.. very scrummy surprisingly
Snack – Banana
Lunch – 4 ryvitas with low fat soft cheese smoked salmon and cucumber – best lunch so far!!
Snack – Sultanas
Tea – Baked trout with new potatoes peas and carrots.
Exercise – ½ hour lunch time walk
Wednesday
Breakfast – Bran flakes & mik
Snack – 1 Ryvita with low fat soft cheese and 2 cherry tomatoes
Lunch – Chicken with stir fried green veggies
Snack – 12 cherry tomatoes
Tea – Steak (all fat removed and grilled) ,veggies and sweet potato
Exercise – ½ Hour lunch time walk
Thursday
Breakfast – All bran with yoghurt, almonds, sultanas and honey made night before.. very scrummy surprisingly
Snack – 12 cherry tomatoes
Lunch – 4 ryvitas with low fat soft cheese smoked salmon and cucumber (so good i had it twice in a week)
Snack – banana
Tea – Baked mackerel with large salad containing Chinese leaf, rocket, watercress, tomato, celery, spring onions, cucumber
Exercise – ½ Hour lunch time walk and 15 min walk to shops to get milk for site and 45 mins cardio and toning class.
Tonight I died.. we had a different lady doing the class, oh my god! I actually felt a bit ick just before we started the toning part.
So now I suppose you want to know how much I have lost. Drum roll please….
8lbs!!!!!! 8 fucking pounds!!! Thats like over half a stone!!!!
I am one very very happy bunny. Onwards and upwards.. bring on the next week!
(In the mean time I have had a shower, tiger balmed my back and am now tucking into my chicken breast in tomato sauce and lots of broccoli.. yum)
The decision to lose weight etc was toyed with before Christmas. As I was pretty sure I was going to do it, I kept a food diary for a couple of weeks. It wasn’t good reading, apart from the lots of homemade food in the evenings.
There are things I have always done and that won’t change, just a bit of adapting and portion size control.
I very very rarely do ready-made meals, to many additives, chemicals, crap in it, so every homemade evening meal was made with fresh meat and veggies. I made a promise to my son when I had him that no matter how broke I am I will always cook meals using fresh meat, veggies and fish.
I don’t use margarine or spreads either, have you seen the chemicals and rubbish that they put in on the ingredients list of those things? So butter for us.
I don’t fry, everything is grilled, baked, boiled, steamed or stir-fried (tiny oil). I hate things that look greasy, things like roast potatoes and stuffing that is cooked in oil is always put on kitchen roll before put on plates. There are 2 exceptions to this rule – fish and chips and KFC. Neither of which I would have very often, but they were guilty pleasures.
I have always had semi-skimmed milk (1% fat). Skimmed milk is just too watery.
I don’t really do sweet foods. If I get cravings it’s for savoury things. I’m not saying I never ate sweet things as you can see from below, but the majority of it was savoury, Crisps being my nemesis. I love crisps, they were the snack of choice. I had my last packet 2 weeks ago, and so far so good.
If I do eat something sweet it seems to start a sugar high/craving. Perhaps this is because I don’t have a lot of sugar in my diet generally, and my body goes “whooo hoooo sugar!!!!” who knows?
I drink a lot of water. I have two or 3 cups of tea at work, but the rest of the time its water.
Below is what a normal week for me would have been before doing what I am doing now.
Friday
Breakfast – cup of tea
Snack – packet of crisps
Lunch – Homemade Thai butternut squash and sweet potato soup – (has coconut milk in)
Snack – crisps in car on way home
Tea – homemade lamb jalfrazi with lots of rice
Snack – 2 slices of toast.
Exercise – none.
Saturday
Breakfast – Bacon (grilled) sarnie on brown seeded bread with brown sauce
Snack – Costa black forest Hot chocolate with cream
Lunch- nothing
Snack – chocolate bar
Tea – homemade Chilli con carnie with lots of rice with cheese grated on top followed by choccie éclair
Snack – packet of kettle crisps
Exercise – housework? Does that count?
Sunday
Breakfast – None due to lie in
Snack – Bacon (grilled) sarnie on brown seeded bread with brown sauce
Lunch – None due to late eating of bacon sarnie
Tea – homemade roast chicken with lots of roast potatoes, carrots, broccoli, peas, brussel sprouts, gravy
Snack – Brie with crackers and pickled onions.
Exercise – none
Monday
Breakfast – cup of tea at work
Lunch – homemade pasta bake reheated in microwave at work.
Snack – Crisps
Tea – Kedgeree (smoked cod, smoked haddock, boiled eggs, rice, peas with a squeeze lemon juice)
Snack – Slice of toast with brie & extra brie to snack on while toast is cooking
Exercise – none
Tuesday
Breakfast – cup of tea at work
Lunch – homemade pasta bake reheated in microwave at work.
Snack – crisps
Snack – crisps in car on way home
Tea – chicken fricassee (made with remains of roast chicken) – this is delicious, chicken in a white sauce with lemon in on a bed of rice and peas.
Snack – slice or 2 of brie
Exercise – none
Wednesday
Breakfast – Cup of tea
Snack – bacon baguette (courtesy of project manager)
Lunch – homemade pasta bake
Snack – packet of peanut m&ms
Tea – lamb chops with new potatoes, carrots, peas, brussel sprouts.
Exercise – none
Thursday
Breakfast – Cup of tea
Lunch – ready made prawn, cheese and rocket sarnies, crisps, and fresh orange juice (supermarket deal)
Snack – crisps
Snack – kitkat in car on way home
Tea – KFC (2 piece variety meal with medium diet coke after film at cinema.)
Exercise – walked round the supermarket, that counts right??
On Thursday when I blog about how much I have (hopefully) lost I will also post what I have eaten since last Thursday. Hopefully it will look a lot better than the above.
So from above I can see good, bad and ugly stuff.
Good being home cooked food with lots of veggies.
Bad being crisps, no breakfast, snacking.
Ugly being no exercise and that KFC.
Last night The Boy (my 17 year old son) started complaining that I had said that he wasn’t allowed to eat the food on the top shelf of the fridge. He was also very puzzled about why I had brought a pair of trainers. I flippantly said to him the first time he asked (last week) that I was “dancing the tango in them”. He then assumed I had a man in my life and was going to dancing lessons. I have not owned a pair of trainers in many years. I hate wearing shoes and working in construction I spend my working day in steel toe capped boots and then as soon as I get home I am bare footed. Or if I go out I wear my old boots or flip-flops, depending on the weather.
So last night I made him swear he would support and encourage me and not take the piss if I told him what I was up to. After much sniggering, joking and making daft comments and guesses at as to what it was he finally agreed. He sat on the work top in the kitchen and listened, while I prepared my tea, to what I wanted to achieve and how I was planning on going about it. He sat and listened to me and seemed to understand what I was talking about. I told him how I was doing the walking every day and that I am going to an exercise class on Thursdays. I showed him what was actually on the top shelf and that a lot of it he didn’t like anyway, (low fat soft cheese, low fat yoghurts with bits in). He took pleasure in telling me that I wouldn’t be able to eat the brie I have on the other shelf in the fridge. I sobbed quietly as I remembered tucking into it with crackers and pickled onions over the Christmas period.
I said perhaps on the weekends he could come for a walk with me, and we could talk and just enjoy spending time together, he said that we could. He also agreed that next summer he would teach me to kitesurf. I am hoping he will have sorted himself out by then, have a job and we will be able to afford to go abroad and he could teach me somewhere warm and sandy.
Since the conversation I have been having a think. Perhaps my ”private battle” hasn’t been made so “public” after all. Yes I am writing about it on here. But who reads it? People I don’t know (admittedly more people than I thought would have so far), and no one comments on it (apart from a couple of lovelies who have on twitter). I only post about it on Twitter, where the majority of my followers I don’t really know. There are a few I do, and they are on my Twitter list because I consider them real friends and I don’t mind them seeing the real me.
The Facebook me is very much a toned down, ‘have to behave myself because I have family on it,’ account. It also has people on there from when I was at school. People who even though they weren’t the ones bullying me, we weren’t really friends at school, just more a case of we knew each other and remember each other. Why am I more concerned about what these people think more than anyone else? Have I got more to lose? Do they have anymore of a hold over my life than anyone else?
Perhaps I am just not really ready to be that public about it. Perhaps I’m not ready for those who know me, to know Me. I would love to tell my family what I am doing, but I keep holding myself back. I know my Mum and Dad would love to know I am doing something positive, but I also know that perhaps I might let them down again. I can’t guarantee that I am going to achieve what I want to, I can’t guarantee that I am not going to end up back as I was at the start. Don’t get me wrong, I want to achieve it, I want to change and I want to be able to do things I have prevented myself from doing, but there is always that element of can I really do it this time?
I hope so, I want to, I will do..
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